1.我每天快乐的秘诀是没有头脑。

我的secret to being happy every day is this : no brain .

2.以前发誓戒酒，喝酒就是狗。后来又发誓要早点睡，再次熬夜的是猪。以后人的日子好像越来越少了。

Before swear to stop drinking, and then drink is a dog, and then swear to go to bed early, and then stay up late is a pig, it seems that the future is less and less people's days.

3、我身上至少有百分之二十的肉，都是靠“不能浪费”这四个字带来的。

At least 20 percent of my body is made up of these two words: "Don't waste it."

4、今天学会了一句拒绝人的话：“要不这样，你就当我死了吧。”

Today I learned a word of refusal: "otherwise, you treat me as dead."

5、当了人类想成仙，生在地上想上天。

When human beings want to become immortal, born on the earth to think of heaven.

6、打开钱包，发现没钱，可依然觉得很开心，因为我至少有个钱包，而钱包它啥也没有。

I open my wallet and find no money, but I'm still happy because at least I have a wallet and a wallet has nothing.

7、支持我人生前进多四大期盼：等下班，等周五，等发工资，等快递。

Support my life forward many four expectations: wait for work, wait for Friday, wait for pay, wait for delivery.

8、以后有话直说，不要老是在吗在吗，不出意外的话，几十年内我都是在。

In the future, speak out. Don't always be there. If nothing happens, I will be there for decades.

9、招蜂引蝶的技能我是没有，招蚊子我倒是一流。

I do not have the skills to attract bees and butterflies, but I am first-class to recruit mosquitoes.

10、每年夏天，会在我耳边轻轻唱歌，喜欢我的肉体，还会送我包包的，就只剩下蚊子了。

Every summer, will sing gently in my ears, like my body, will also send me bags, only the mosquito.

11、比起穷这个缺点，我的丑简直不值一提。

Compared with this shortcoming, my ugliness is nothing to mention.

12、自我介绍一下： 兴趣是玩，体重是胖，智商是傻，性格是懒，爱好是吃，专业是睡，长相是丑，经济实力是穷，对象是手机。

Self introduction: interest is to play, weight is fat, IQ is stupid, personality is lazy, love is to eat, professional is to sleep, appearance is ugly, economic strength is poor, the object is mobile phone.

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