我永远不能忘记一个名字

I can never forget a name

原创：斧子 中译英：斧子的二当家

终于我明白了一个很浅显的道理：我只是一个普通的老百姓而已。人为刀俎，我为鱼肉。


有一个名字，深深地刻在我的心上，鲜血淋漓。

There's a name etched deep in my heart, blood dripping.

这个名字让我亲身体验到了：太阳一定可以从西边出来；月亮的光芒可以烧伤吃月饼的人；参天大树可能就是低矮的小草；艳丽的花朵是会吃人的魔鬼；白天并不一定就有光亮； 黑暗也可以正大光明地横行霸道；正人君子一定就是个骗子；坏人可以翻手为云覆手为雨；让人惊诧的无中生有莫须有并不是奇迹而是常态；传统的规矩全部都是忽悠人的儿童玩 具；国家法律也不过是印刷在白纸上的黑字，没有半点威力和作用，还可以被随意歪曲和任意误读......

The name gave me a personal experience: the sun must come out from the west; the moon's rays can burn the moon-eaters; the trees may be low grass; the bright flowers are the devil who eat people; the day does not always have light; darkness can reign in justice; a man of integrity must be a fraud; a bad man can turn his hands for clouds and cover hands for rain; creating something from nothing of surprise is not a miracle but a state of normal; traditional rules are all toys for children; national laws are just black words printed on white paper, without any power or function, and can be distorted and misinterpreted arbitrarily...

这个名字终于让我踏过了大恐怖、大恐惧、大悲伤，几近于死亡的边缘，更让我清醒地知道了，我并不是超人，而是一只随手可以被碾死的小蚂蚁，一片随手可以被撕碎的小树叶 ，一个随手可以被决定生死的底层小人物。

This name had finally let me step through the great terror, great fear, great sadness, almost standing by the edge of death, let me knew that I am not superman, but a small ant that could be run over at will, a leaf that could be torn apart at will, a nobody who could be determined to live or die arbitrarily.


那么多自以为是的帮凶，那么多高高在上打着公平正义的旗号诬陷我的大人物，那么多随意惩罚和虐待我的正义之士......终于让我明白了一个很浅显的道理：我只是一个普通的老百姓而已。人为刀俎，我为鱼肉。

With so many self-righteous accomplices, so many great men who had framed me in the name of justice, so many righteous men who punished and abused me at will... Finally made me understood a very simple truth: I wam just a common people. I was the sheep and they were the wolves.

曾经有那么两三年时间，我天天咒骂着这个龌龊肮脏的名字，我在心中策划着无数种方案，我要替天行道：我要用硫酸泼满他丑陋的面孔，让他再也没有办法去欺骗他人；我要用 菜刀千刀万剐把他剁成肉泥喂狗；我要用汽油浇遍他全身，用一根火柴点燃复仇的盛宴；我要开着后八轮大货车，撞的他飞起来，再碾压过去，全身骨头碎成渣渣；我要用雷管火 药，引爆一声惊天的爆炸，让他灰飞烟灭，点滴不剩......

For two or three years i cursed this filthy name every day, and I planned countless schemes in my heart to do justice for heaven: I would pour sulfuric acid on his ugly face so that he can no longer deceive others; I would cut him into clay and feed him to the dog . I would pour gasoline all over him, and light a feast of revenge with a match; and I would drive a big truck with eight rounds in the back to crash him and run over, leaving his bones in pieces and slags. I would use detonator powder to set off a shocking explosion and send him to ashes leaving nothing.


当时光走过了心碎若死的阶段，走过了想复仇想疯了的年月，我努力寻找自己生命中的绿洲，我渴望着拯救自己迷茫无措的灵魂，我竭尽全力从血腥的复仇幻想中解脱出来，我告诫自己：我不能和一个狗一样的低贱的东西拼命，他不配！我不能和一个颠倒是非、污人清白的流氓同归于尽，他不值！我的生命中应该还有更重要的东西，等着我去构建和打拼。

As time passed through the stages of destruction, through the years of revenge and madness, i tried to find the oasis in my life, i longed to save my lost soul, i did my best to escape from the bloody fantasy of revenge, and i told myself, i can't fight with a menial dog, he doesn't deserve it! I can not die with a scoundrel who turns right to wrong and defame others, he is not worth it! There should be something more important in my life, waiting for me to build and fight.

司马迁的冤屈，凭借着《史记》洗刷了自己；屈原的悲剧，在《离骚》的文字中流芳千古......很多先贤伟人，都经历了非人的折磨，才玉汝于成。这就是孤独寂寞的黑暗 中天老爷对我的启示，他们都是我的榜样，我要努力向他们学习致敬！

Sima Qian's grievances were washed away by the Historical Records; the tragedy of Qu Yuan, which has been remembered in the words of Li Sao... Many great men in the past had gone through inhuman torture before becoming a better man. This is the revelation the Lord gave to me in the darkness and loneliness, they are all my models, I would strive to learn from them to pay tribute !


我不是虔诚的基督信徒，我不会宽恕这个名字，我不会祝福他上天堂，也不会诅咒他下地狱，我只是轻蔑地忽视。我也不是宽宏大量的佛教徒，我不会说我会忘记他，我不断警醒 自己，这个光明的世界上，从来就不曾存在过这样卑鄙无耻的坏人。疯狂的恶狗咬了我，我只是默默走开，我相信他会有报应。

I am not a devout Christian, I will not forgive this name, i will not bless him to heaven, nor curse him to hell, i just contemptuously ignore him. Nor am i a generous Buddhist, i will not say that i will forget him, and i am constantly reminded that, in this bright world, there is such a vile and shameless villain. Mad dog bit me. I just walked away silently, and i believe he will pay for it.

所以，我把这个名字深深地沉入了心中最底层的角落，我永远都不会忘记，我也永远不会再对任何人说出来。甚至于，我还要买烟买酒，我要感谢这个名字，让我找到了真正的知心朋友，让我看清了很多虚假的面孔，让我花费了好几年的宝贵时间才突然顿悟。我经历了一次最险恶的考验，我的人生进入了最圆满的升华。

So I sank that name deep into the bottom of my heart, i'll never forget it, and i'll never say it to anyone again. Even, I also want to buy cigarettes and wine to thank the name for letting me find the true friends, see clearly a lot of false faces. It took me years of precious time to suddenly realize, i had gone through the most dangerous test, and my life had come to its fullest.

整理行装，准备出发，向着漫漫长途，向着绝顶巅峰，向着宽阔无边的大海，向着充满希望和热情的人们挥手，我大声宣布：我没有被打败，我还是一个敢于拼搏的勇士，我要去 追求显著的成绩和无尚的荣光......

Packing, ready to go, to the long way, to the peak, to the boundless Sea, waving to the hopeful and enthusiastic people, I declare out loud: i am not defeated, i am a brave warrior, i will go on the pursuit of remarkable achievements and noble glory ...


作者简介(Author's introduction)：

斧子，中国人民公安大学研究生，湖南省作家协会会员，红网小说版特约评论员，出版著作有：

Axe, graduate student from Chinese People's Public Security University, member of the Hunan Writers'Association and a special commentator of the Red Net fiction section, published:

散文诗集《等你归来》，湖南文艺出版社；

Prose poetry collection "Waiting for you" , Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House;

散文诗集《欠债校长》，香港商务印书馆；

Prose poetry collection "Principal in debt", The Hong Kong commercial press (HKPC);

中短篇小说集《月下天鹅和祝塘的绝版爱情》，团结出版社；

A short and medium story collection, "The last edition of love between the swan under the month and Zhu Tang", United publishing house;

中短篇小说集《隐身保镖》，团结出版社；

A short and medium story collection, "Invisible bodyguard", United publishing house;

中短篇小说集《财哥的第一次婚姻》，中国文联出版社......

A short and medium story collection, "The first marriage of brother Qian," and published by the China Federation of Literary Unions ...